Being an escort is less of a job and more so indulging in sexual role-play for me. This is because escorting has always been something of a sexual fantasy of mine. It involves a high degree of—and is often purely—sexual objectification, which I find very arousing. My arousal in this instance has little to do with my sexual partners and more to do with the situation. Essentially, I’m aroused by the possession of a human being as another one’s plaything; a dynamic of dominance and submission, though, not in the typical BDSM sense. Coincidentally, escorting is a sexual fantasy from which I profit financially. Thus, simultaneously utilizing escorting as a part-time job is a nice adaptation of a sexual fantasy, in my opinion.
One quintessential example of the type of dynamic I’m describing that immediately comes to mind is the way Lucretia (portrayed by Lucy Lawless) uses her husband’s gladiator slave, Crixus (portrayed by Manu Bennett), as her personal sex slave in the Starz television series Spartacus. The series takes place in 1st century BCE Capua of the Roman Republic, during which the Roman nobility owned slaves. The slaves were obligated to obey their masters on pain of death. Lucretia and her husband, Quintus Lentulus Batiatus (portrayed by John Hannah), slavemaster and head of the House of Batiatus, are two such members of the Roman nobility and owners of slaves.
Crixus is one of Batiatus’s slaves, particularly a gladiator who fights as a champion in the arena on behalf of the House of Batiatus, who ends up having an affair with Batiatus’s wife, Lucretia (against Crixus’s will). Crixus must obey Lucretia, his domina, or she will endeavor to make his life hell. Though beautiful and frail, yet conniving and commanding, Lucretia retains utter control over the muscular goliath, Crixus, and uses him as a tool to satisfy her sexual desires, unbeknownst to Batiatus. While Lucretia and Crixus’s relationship quickly becomes more complicated in the series, their dynamic makes for some extremely erotic visuals.
Even more riveting are the lavish parties thrown by the House of Batiatus, always devolving into extravagant, hedonistic, drunken orgies. During such parties, the gladiators and handmaidens of the house are made to give both hetero- and homoerotic demonstrations for the nobility who attend, and also with the nobility for those nobles who request a more private and intimate demonstration—those nobles wishing to have their way with the slaves that pique their interests. The vulgar depiction of power, sex, scandal, violence, possession, domination and submission by the Spartacus series is sublime, and my infatuation with gladiators and Roman antiquity just make it the perfect wet dream.
Ironically, I believe slavery of any kind is morally appalling, any actuality of it demanding the intervention of justice, yet I find the scenes of sexual slavery in Spartacus to be extremely arousing. Escorting, for me, taps into this darker side of my sexuality. It is perhaps the closest one can safely get to being “owned,” albeit temporarily (at least in my own situation), and therefore experience a sliver of the kind of sexual objectification, dominance and submission portrayed in Spartacus. However, I usually have no desire to be “owned” for any period of time longer than an hour or two, as such desires usually cease with orgasm.
I do realize not everyone in the sex industry has the luxury of choice, especially victims of sex trafficking. I do not mean to give the impression I am delusional about that, if I have done so. I would do these people a disservice not to at least acknowledge that. There exist those compelled to work in sex against their will, whether forced by sex traffickers or their economic situation or any such other reason, who might detest any sort of dominance or submission in a sexual encounter because they are or have been victims of it rather than willing participants. This goes for rape victims as well, and anyone for whom at any point a sexual act was not wholly consensual. By indulging in fantasies of sexual possession, dominance and submission, I am not condoning these real-world situations. I utterly deplore them.
It is not as if sexual fantasies of this type are uncommon, though, and many of them are perhaps difficult to theoretically reconcile with widely accepted morals and values. Take, for instance, cliché examples of sexual fantasies: police officer and citizen; teacher and student; boss and secretary; father and babysitter; husband and maid; wife and gardener, or milkman, or pool-boy. Each example involves sexual objectification and portrays a relationship that is a combination of possession, dominance and submission, and even conflicts of interest. One can reasonably argue there is no harm in consenting adults simply acting out these situations for fun, though I’m not sure what it says about our mental state in so doing, or what it implies that we have these fantasies at all.
Similarly, one can argue there is no harm in consenting adults conducting a sexual transaction either. Of course, one might point out the difference here is making fantasy a reality. But to make an escorting fantasy a reality doesn’t necessarily involve coercion of any sort. Essentially, it is consensual. There’s really nothing morally suspect about that, in theory, anyway.
One might ask why I feel the need to go to such lengths to carry out my sexual fantasies, that is to say, do I need to actually escort to get the same effect? Why not just role-play?
Well, the first and simple answer is that one situation is lucrative and the other is not. There aren’t many jobs available for people with my age and qualifications to make $300-600 per appointment. (I usually charge $300 per hour, and most appointments last an hour or two.) The second answer, and more to the point, is that a sexual transaction is binding, in a sense. The act of receiving payment for sexual services makes it a contractual obligation. I become obligated to (sexually) satisfy the customer. That is more evocative of sexual ownership than a sexual encounter involving mere role-play. The latter seldom, if ever, carries the same psychological force.
Of course, some clients are better suited than others with which to indulge in this fantasy. Thus, I do exercise discretion before finalizing appointments, that is, I do not accept clients indiscriminately. I choose clients based on whether they seem safe, have good hygiene and possess a similar mentality. I also find escorting encounters to be more arousing the less personal they are. I don’t offer to simulate romance nor the “boyfriend experience,” and it is very rare that I will even kiss a client. I can usually, though not always, gain a sufficient sense of potential clients through initial communication in order to decide whether to accept them as a client. I always require a photo before agreeing to meet anyone. I decline some 75% of requests, either because I am not comfortable with the requests or because of my hectic traveling schedule.
My clients are also not what many people seem to think they are, which the client stereotype seems to be one of repulsiveness and desperation. This is not the reality of the majority of requests I receive, however. My requests come from people of various ages, shapes, colors, religions, creeds, occupations, incomes, marital statuses and even genders and sexual orientations. Now, I’m sure my exposure from working in the porn industry allows me a greater pick of the litter, but of the requests I receive, less than half of them are the ratchets and the crazies.
While I was living in Dallas, Texas, most of my regulars (I only had a handful) were doctors, nurses or businesspersons, which makes sense given the booming medical industry in Dallas. Overall, they were decently attractive, a few in their 30’s and a few middle-aged gentlemen. The overwhelming need to hire an escort was due to a lack of time. Their jobs kept them very busy with little time for anything else. What little time they did have to spend outside of their scrubs or business suits they didn’t want to spend trying to track down a good hook-up. They knew exactly what they wanted and wanted to be guaranteed to get it when and where they wanted it. Confidentiality was often also a requirement. It only makes sense for one to hire an escort in their situation, especially when one has the money to throw around.
While my fantasy as an escort is predominantly one of being a submissive-bottom, I occasionally desire the contrary, and as such have hired other escorts and played the possessive, dominant-top role, being the person served (and have also played a possessive, dominant-bottom role, too), but these instances are rare. Furthermore, I never top as an escort. When I top, my arousal actually does have more to do with my sexual partners than it does the situation, unlike my escorting fantasy.
Whereas my escorting fantasy is one of objectification, domination and submission, I am typically aroused as a top by a combination of attractiveness, muscularity, effeminacy and quirkiness. My clients rarely possess the necessary combination of attributes that elicits my desire to top. I am, admittedly, overall more attracted to the guys I top than those for which I bottom, but that does not always guarantee the best sex.
It is worth mentioning the dynamics of my escorting fantasy are not a microcosm of my entire sexuality, though. Tis true I tend to bottom more during sex outside of escorting, but I’d guess I bottom only approximately 60% of the time for sex outside of escorting as opposed to the 100% of the time that I bottom for escorting. My sexuality is also not entirely structured upon a dominant-submissive dynamic either. While my escorting and probably the majority of my hook-ups do fall into this category, I also, for example, have a very robust romantic and passionate side that enjoys intense chemistry and mutual satisfaction.
It doesn’t take a psychologist to realize that sexuality is complicated. I honestly have no idea why I have an escorting fantasy, or more fundamentally, a fantasy so enthralled by power, domination, submission and sexual possession. Though, without said sexual fantasy, I’d have very little, if any, motivation to escort at all. Consequently, I’d probably not have paid off as much of my student loan debt by now either, as money in and of itself has never been a major motivator for me (which is probably one reason I ended up with a philosophy degree). “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life,” said Confucius. Well, I don’t plan to escort for the rest of my life, but I can certainly say working in the sex industry for now feels less like work and more like, well… sex, and who doesn’t love sex?